Ah true love! It is something that most of us want in our lives yet so many of us are lacking. But why is this? From personal relationship experience and from observing and listening to that of others, I have compiled a list of some of the reasons why true love seems so elusive. Enjoy!
We Confuse Love with Lust
So many people go after the hot person that turns them on. It doesn’t matter that they have little connection other than pure sexual chemistry. The problem with this is that in most relationships, the feeling that you just “have to have” someone in that way eventually simmers down. Or, sometimes that “hot” person gets a haircut, gains weight, or *gasp* ages! What you’re left with once that animalistic attraction is gone is either someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, or someone who you won’t be able to stand! True love is vibe-ing with someone else, and wanting to love every part of them, the beautiful and the ugly. It is the person you want to do almost everything with, your teammate for life who will still make you smile when you’re 90 years old and wrinkly and they have to change your diaper.
We Assume There are Better Options
Because of today’s information overload, we are aware now more than ever that there really are millions of fish in the sea. The problem is, this causes some of us to become so picky that we refuse to pick a single fish so that we can build a strong relationship. Some people flit from person to person, and others refuse to enter into a relationship at all because of this. The truth is, there is no such thing as love at first sight. You might be attracted to someone from the beginning, yes, but to truly fall in love you’ve got to take the time to get to know someone. This can’t happen if you’re assuming you’ll just run into Mr. or Mrs. Right and “know” it. And this can’t happen if you are constantly questioning what you already have (or could have).
We are Unwilling to Put in the Work
This goes hand in hand with the last one. Love takes work. Love is messy. Love isn’t perfect. So many people find one flaw in someone or have one fight and call it a quits. Maybe you’re lazy, or maybe it is because in fairytales, you don’t see when the princess and the prince disagree on the color to paint their castle. You just assume the prince and the princess are perfectly happy all the time, and never have to remind themselves of why the other person is worth loving. But no relationship is perfect, and unless you’re dating a perfect clone of yourself, you won’t agree on everything and you will butt heads.
We Stick with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong
Sometimes we want love so badly that we waste our time trying to be happy with someone who we don’t like all that much. Maybe it is because you’ve just entered into a relationship for the first time in awhile, and are afraid of being alone again. Or maybe it is because you’ve been with someone for so long that you’ve become too comfortable and don’t want to feel like you’ve wasted your time. As I said earlier, it is important to put work into relationships because love is difficult. However, it shouldn’t be so difficult that spending time with your significant other is completely un-enjoyable or unhealthy.
We Pursue Unhealthy Relationships
This one. Of all the reasons why true love seems elusive, this is the one that makes my friends feel the need to pre-approve everyone I date from now on. The one that makes me cringe, and should make you cringe too. Because of all the ones on this list this is possibly the most dangerous one and the one that leaves you with the most regret and self-loathing. Movies and TV shows make the bad boy or girl seem mysterious, misunderstood, and attractive. And maybe sometimes they are. But if they’re harming you physically or mentally, or if they’re doing anything to you or to themselves that makes you feel negatively, leave. It is not your job to “fix” them; if they need help, connect them with resources and go on with your life. It is not your job to feign amusement over their bad behavior, or to be strung along by someone who isn’t treating you well. And if you’re too afraid to leave, find help. Click here for resources that may help with your situation. And click here for signs that you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
If you suspect that you are causing an unhealthy relationship, please seek guidance and support, and do whatever it takes to learn healthy relationship habits so that you can avoid hurting others.
Disclaimer: I am not a blogging professional, or a magical guru that can solve all of your problems. I cannot be held liable for triumphs, failures, or anything else that occurred to you as a result of reading the content on my blog.
Header image courtesy of Viktor Hanacek